Honey I'm Good
by SophieDevereauxtoo
Summary: Parker is out of town. Alex goes out with Nicky and meets someone. Has she really changed or is she still a player? She's not sure.
"C'mon Alex!" she begs. "Just one night. It's not like we have anything else to do." I sigh. "I don't know Nicky. It just doesn't seem like a good idea." She narrows her eyes. "You think I'm going to get myself in trouble? Is that it?" I don't have to answer her. "That's why I want you to come too. To baby sit me." "Nicky, you don't need a baby sitter." "Ya but you don't want me to go alone and now you don't want to come with. What's up with that anyway? Now that you're all married and all you don't know how to have fun anymore?" I sigh again. "We're not married Nick." "Right. Sure you aren't" she sneers. "You're acting like an old married lady." She raises the pitch of her voice to an annoying whine. "Oooh, look at me. I'm Alex Vause. I used to be cool but now I have a girlfriend and I've turned into a stuffy old lady." I watch her dance around for a minute before interrupting her. "I'm not old! I just don't want to go without Parker. Besides, we have work to do." She sneers again. "That's all we do any more. Why can't we go out and have a little fun? Nothing bad. I just want to have a few drinks and dance with a hot girl or two."

I think about it for a second. She's right, we haven't done anything fun in a while. I've been more than content to hang around the apartment with her and Parker. A few beers and a movie is about my speed these days. But Parker's been gone for over a week. A night out would be fun. Parker doesn't like dance clubs anyway. Too many people bumping into her. She prefers to dance...I feel my face flush and try to hide it. Too late. She already saw.

"Ahh gross." I smile. "Ok Nick. You're right. Let's go out and dance for a while. See if I remember how." She smiles. "Alright! Just let me go put on something a little less comfortable."

I go and check my own wardrobe. It's a warm evening and I decide on some skinny jeans and a tight tank. I might be 'an old married lady' but I'm not dead.

The club Nick picks is one of my old haunts, a small little lesbian bar on the east side. The drinks are cheap and the music is loud and there's always a good crowd on a Saturday night. I wonder if anyone I used to know is still around.

By the time we arrive, the club is already packed. We push our way to the bar and I order a beer. Nicky goes for a few shots and starts wandering around looking for someone to play with. I'm content just to sip on my beer and watch for now. In the past, I would be all over some hot chick by now, our bodies close, moving to the music, getting drunk and trying to figure out how to take her home.

Out of habit I scan the bar, looking for someone interesting. Out of the corner of my eye, I catch a flash of bright blonde hair. Parker! No not Parker. Parker isn't here. 'Too bad' I think as I reach for my beer. Another flash and my eyes are pulled her way again. I don't know why I thought she could be Parker. This woman looks nothing like her. Yes they are both tall, blonde and stunning, but that's where it ends. This woman is much curvier than Parker. While Parker dresses for comfort, this woman is dressed to show off her ample assets in a very short skirt and a tight, low cut top. In spite of my thoughts about Parker, I find myself salivating at the sight. She looks up and makes contact with startlingly blue eyes and a brilliant smile. I smile weakly back and pull my eyes away.

I concentrate on my beer and finding Nicky in the crowd of dancers. She's found a friend, a tall androgynous black woman. They are grinding together and look to be having a marvelous time. I watch for a little while then turn back to the bar to order another beer.

As I do, I bump the woman next to me. I mutter an apology and she tells me "don't worry about it" as she puts her hand on my arm where we made contact. I turn to her and whatever it was I was planning on saying gets lost between my brain and my mouth. It's the blonde from the end of the bar. I quickly close my mouth and she smiles at me again. Up close, she is even more beautiful. She's leaning close and I can't help but notice she smells good too. I can feel a heat starting deep inside. This cannot be a good thing.

In my pre-prison, party days, I was what you could call a player. I was out every night, hanging with my friends, looking for a hook up. I loved women. Lots of women. They were fun and useful, either for a night of company or a bit of smuggling, frequently both. This woman is making herself available to me. There was a time we would probably be fucking in the bathroom by now.

I was in love once. At least I thought I was. It didn't end well. She left me in Paris on the day my mother died. It took me a long time to get over that. I swore that I would never do love again and I didn't. I never let anyone get close enough, never wanted to know them. It hurt less that way. And then I met Parker and I learned what real love was like.

There is no other woman I want to be with. Ever. She satisfies me in every possible way, not just my carnal side. She is everything I never thought I needed but now I can't live without. Yet here I am in a bar, a beautiful woman next to me, having thoughts I know I shouldn't be having. I should go get Nick and leave. I should do anything but take her hand when she offers.

But then what could it hurt? It's not like Parker is waiting for me at home. And I'm not going to actually 'do' anything. It's just a night of fun. Some conversation. A dance or two. And then I go home alone.

I take her hand and she introduces herself. "I'm Tara" she says with another gorgeous smile. I swallow all of my doubts and smile back. "Alex". She nods. "Hi Alex. Can I buy you that?" she asks, gesturing toward my beer. She grabs a basket of pretzels and orders herself a beer of her own. She drinks straight from the bottle, something I've always admired in a woman. That and the ability to do tequila shooters, which is what she orders next.

By the third round, neither of us are feeling much pain. The conversation is easy and we take turns making each other laugh with tales of outrageous things we've done. I'm not surprised when she asks me to dance but I am a bit surprised at my answer. "Yeah. I'd like that".

She takes my hand, hers is soft and warm, and leads me to the dance floor. One arm goes on my shoulder and the other around my waist and she starts to move. God! This woman knows now to move. I follow her lead until the music picks up and we separate.

"It's been a long night here, and a long night there  
And those long long legs and damn they're everywhere."

I'm not sure how long we stay on the floor. All I know is that I am hot and sweaty and dancing with an amazingly beautiful woman. I don't protest when she pulls me close for a slow song. She takes my hand down to her hip then pulls me close, pressing herself to me. I close my eyes and just let myself move to the music. I know that this is wrong but it feels so fucking good.

The song finally ends and I suggest we go back to the bar for a drink. I need to cool off, in more ways than one.

As we sit, I spy Nicky coming out of the bathroom. Her cheeks are bright red. I recognize the woman who exits a few seconds later as the woman Nick had been dancing with. Good for her! I smile. Tara reads that smile as permission to come even closer. Her hand brushes my thigh when we are suddenly startled by a loud "Ahem!"

I turn guiltily to see Nicky's smiling face. "I see you found a friend Vause. Didn't I say you'd have fun? Don't worry. I won't tell." I glare at her. "There's nothing to tell Nick. We're just talking." Nicky winks and I roll my eyes. I know she believes me, at least I think she does, but I don't want her blabbing to Parker. Not that Parker would care. She's amazingly understanding about things like this. We've already had this talk, more than once. "As long as you promise to only have sex with me" is all that she asked. It was an easy promise to make.

I change the subject on her. "It looks like you met someone." Nicky gives me one of her shit eating grins, letting me know that I did not misread the bathroom thing. "Ya. She's pretty good." I roll my eyes again at her. "So..." she starts, "I was thinking about getting out of here, you know..." I understand. "Sounds good" I tell her. I understand the concerned look on her face, she was half hoping I would tell her 'no' but I remind her that I'm not her keeper. I might look after her, give her strength when she doesn't feel like she has any. But she can make her own decisions. "Just...just don't" is all I tell her. "Thanks Alex, Brandi and I, we already had that conversation. She's 3 years sober too. So I'll see you tomorrow?" "Have fun Nick" I tell her and watch her and her new friend leave hand in hand.

I've almost forgotten about Tara when she leans close to my ear. "She your ride home?" I turn back to her. "More like I'm hers but it doesn't look like she'll be needing it now." "I'm glad she found someone" Tara says again, "but kinda sucks when you're the one left behind." "Oh I don't mind" I say as I reach for my beer. "She's been needing a good night out." "And what do you need?" she asks as she puts her hand on mine. I have no answer for her.

She is dangerously close to me now and all I can think about is how luscious her full lips are and how wonderful they would be to kiss. She whispers in my ear, "I like you Alex. I like you a lot. I would really like to know you better. What say we grab another shot and get out of here? My hotel is just down the block."

I am stunned. I should have expected this but I am completely unprepared to respond. Four years ago...now...God she's hot...Parker...is out of town...is this who I am? Who I'll always be? Playing house or just playing? Her hand is on my thigh...Squeezing...Ordering another drink...I bet she's good...I have no idea what words might come out of my mouth.

Suddenly I am jarred from the trance I've been in. I try to find what it was that caught the attention of my muddled brain. The song. The song the DJ is playing. What is it?

'You look good, I will not lie  
But if you ask where I'm staying tonight  
I gotta be like, oh baby, no baby, you got me all wrong baby  
My baby's already got all my love.

I know who I am. Now. I look deep into Tara's endless blue eyes. "I'm sorry. I really am. I'm sorry that I lead you on but, but I have a girlfriend. I thought that maybe it didn't matter. That I could be the person I used to be. But I can't. She changed me. She made me want to be better than this. I like you. I like you a lot. If the circumstances were different..."

"So nah nah Honey I'm good  
I could have another but I probably should not  
I've got somebody at home, and if I stay I might not leave alone."

She interrupts me and I am expecting anger or something like that but she is very sweet. "I understand" she says quietly. "I would never, not if I knew you were with someone. I wish you had said something. We could have hung out while you were waiting for your friend."

"Thank you" I tell her. "And again, I'm really sorry." She smiles. "I'm not. This was a nice way to pass a lonely evening. I had fun. Could have been more fun...but seriously, I have a lot of respect for you. I wish had someone in my life to be better for."

I give her a sad smile. "You will. Don't give up. If someone like me can find someone, a wonderful woman like you surely will."

"What's her name?" she asks. "Parker." I can't keep the smile off my face when I say her name. Tara nods. "Parker is a very lucky woman." She finishes her shot and I watch her walk alone to the door.

The lights are off in the apartment. I sigh. I know I did the right thing but the quiet depresses me.

"Alex?" I hear a voice. I freeze. "Parker?" The word is barely out of my mouth when I feel her wrap her body around mine. "I've been waiting for you" she says quietly. "I missed you so much I had to come home and see you." I smile. "I love you Parker. I love more than you can possibly know. I am so glad I came home." She doesn't ask what I mean. She is too busy pressing her mouth to mine.

"No Honey I'm good  
I could have another but I probably should not  
I've got to bid you adieu  
To another I will stay true"

Andy Grammer


End file.
